Dr. Nobody™ Podcast
Dr. Nobody™ Podcast
Episode 4 - Overcoming Adversity
In this week's episode, Nigel kicks off our guest episodes with his powerful and emotional story of adversity. We know life is hard, and sometimes we have moments in our lives where it takes time for us to overcome our troubles. With support and faith, we can conquer any of our demons.
00:00.00
drnobodypodcast
All right? Welcome everybody welcome back to the Dr. nobody podcasts I really appreciate you all listening again today today I have a special guest Nigel who's a good friend of mine knowing each other I guess two years three years now okay yes
00:14.77
Nigel
Yeah, couple years. Yeah.
00:18.57
drnobodypodcast
Yeah now now like thinking about it I'm like oh yeah, that's been several years now yeah it's great, um, have him on today and um before I really hit it off with any questions I just want him to introduce himself. Go ahead. Nigel.
00:27.80
Nigel
All right? My name's I'm Nigel. Um Carlos asked me before whether it was just Nigel which is easier sometimes I like to say it's like Madonna or seal or Pele. But I do actually have a last name. My last name is Lisa Lisa which is. Almost indecipherable when you see it on the page but it's an irish name. It's much longer and irish it's maiola e suckta which somehow got anglicized down to lysa. Um, and that's me.
00:56.46
drnobodypodcast
Nice I feel like I just like ah I just discovered a relic or something like I shouldn't have listened to that like something's gonna happen.
01:03.70
Nigel
Yeah, yeah, that will be the best of times and the worst of times where.
01:07.97
drnobodypodcast
Okay, well looking forward to that so nigel um have a quite a couple questions save to ask you but first I just want to start off with tell us your story tell us who you are tell us a little bit about yourself so we get to know you.
01:22.10
Nigel
Sure and it's always interesting where where you start with those things I Guess if you are led Yeah Earth right? that so good. Well I mean depends What you mean by Earth right? Is it the internal or the external. But if you can't tell by the brogue and by me mentioning the last name actually I'm Irish originally.
01:26.62
drnobodypodcast
Earth. Yeah.
01:41.35
Nigel
Um, from Dublin and grew up there lived throughout Europe when we were younger and then came back to Ireland and moved around a lot went to a couple different schools played a lot of rogby. Um. Pretty good I played under age for my country at ah under 19 level and then when I was done with that and I finished college I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do and I was visiting my sister in New York and I was I was going to say literally walking down the street but that's not true because I was walking down the Coney Island boardwalk and I got stopped by a man named Daniel Pedal who is kind of like my virgil in my story just brought me into this strange world of ah, modeling and acting and. A completely alternate reality for me from an individual who went to like a rogueby school and graduated business school I did a bachelor's of commerce on a major in finance and ah, you know there was a pretty. Routine kind of cookiecoder existence laid out for me and and things just went a different way and that that day was a big day as far as the whole. Fork in the road for me taking that being open to it and then going off in a completely different direction to the point where as I talk to you I am in Los Angeles right now with ah my lovely wife Melanie who is in the other room and I um. Pursuing a career in filmmaking I'm an actor and a writer of written a movie with a buddy of mine. It's a anddy film we produced it ourselves and um, that was ah a great adventure in and of itself and just doing the deal out here. You know studying. Craft of acting constantly I actually had 1 class earlier today I got one after this and just trying to grind and you know do what I got to do and do any additions when I go.
03:59.17
drnobodypodcast
Nice that that was a ah was ah a lot um to take in. Um I guess I'm gonna I'm gonna have to break it down. Ah I mean that's that's the goal here I Really hope you can ah rugby huh. So if you play.
04:04.58
Nigel
Well I'm Irish We like to talk man.
04:14.67
Nigel
Yeah.
04:18.42
drnobodypodcast
Did you ever have hopes to maybe continuing playing rugby at some point or the the modeling came in and you're like nah. Yeah.
04:21.22
Nigel
yeah yeah I think that's like well like it. It was already done and dusted at that stage I think um and because that was I graduated I think I just turned 21 or I was 20 or turn at 21 somewhere around there I was 20 when I graduated.
04:36.82
drnobodypodcast
Is that old for rugby years. Yeah.
04:40.84
Nigel
Yeah, at that at that stage like's the way the way things were the lay of the land had a couple of injuries that I picked up. Um, um, you know nothing kind of popped at that stage. Um, as far as what my black had popped unfortunately. But um, as far as really getting into. Like a feeder system and just a hunger for it had kind of gone out of me too I could I could have stuck around. Maybe there was a chance but it just it just wasn't what it once was I think you know like most kids when you grow up playing the sport. The dream is to play that sport professionally and I definitely had that and know like I went to like the best. School in the country for that like you know we're like the top teams like almost every year like we won the equivalent of state. You know, um, and like I represented my country then the next year and first year in college and then you know like I was in the mixer but it just it wasn't meant to be.
05:18.59
drnobodypodcast
Wow.
05:36.31
Nigel
And a lot of things have to go right for people to be professional athletes. That's the thing that you you don't necessarily know I think you see these guys that are at the top whether in American football or basketball. Um, but I think someone like the best roie players that I ever played with like never made it all the way either because of injuries or just Because. Didn't have the mindset of okay I have to be dedicated I have to make sacrifices so that I can really go after this thing you know some of the most talented individuals that just have the sporting intelligence and this skill where they make a game look beautiful by the way they play it. And they really just like have you in the state of all when you're watching them. Yeah, just like it didn't happen for them and that's's just kind of so and in a way it feels like there's this element of fate sometimes about it for someone who doesn't necessarily believe that you know. Um, not a fatalist. You know I don't think everything's a done deal I believe free will but there is this aspect of like okay it just wasn't meant to be.
06:34.75
drnobodypodcast
So I'm gonna probably ask a very ignorant question that because I don't really understand the sport rugby really I just watch it just looks really rough is ah in terms of rugby versus football. Is rugby like more dangerous is they have they have no pads yes american football not that's true I should be saying american football since you're from Europe my bad.
06:54.33
Nigel
Do you mean American football or dock right? as listen I say soccer to just to wind people up back home. They get they get their at their backs up about but I'd look I I think like.
07:08.23
drnobodypodcast
Ah, yeah.
07:12.94
Nigel
Especially now because rogueby's been a professional sport for I think that's 16 seventeen years like it's pretty late. It was amateur I think up until the early to mid 90 s um, you know the size of the guys that are playing roguey now is equaling the size of the guys that play american. The 1 thing about Robi is that it's a continuous game. So it's like to a degree the intensity lessons over the course of the game like don't get me wrong these guys go hard for the full eighty minutes like it's 80 minutes a play of rogueby's 40 minutes and then the halftime and then 40 minutes but because you can be in a play for two and a half minutes 3 minutes you know depend on the style of the game and you know there's going to be a level of fatigue going on there like these big guys still have to get their big potties around the field you know so it lessons a little bit whereas in American Football you know these guys are fresh, pretty much every play. You know? Yeah, obviously you're going to fatigue because you're going all out the whole time. It's maybe slightly more anaerobic. But I mean like 2 sets of incredible athletes that are basically you know. At war with each other for the length of 2 games. You know's I'd love to get the actual injuries stacked up against each other I wouldn't say they'd be 2 different. You know it's because like yeah, there's no pads but like nobody wears a helmet either. You know there's like a little foam foam padding scrum cup that you can have.
08:27.97
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
08:38.21
Nigel
Which I think I read recently that doesn't actually even really make a difference as far as concussions. So it's like you just wear it so that you don't get coats on your head or just say like keep your ears pinned back like I have like a little bit of a cauliflower ear from playing myself you know because those things just happen whether it's an impact or. Friction wear over time. So and you know people are oh rugby. That's so tough and it is trust me like I've had my first share of injuries. But it's. You know if they like even like even something like soccer like those guys get like all sorts of Andrews. It just tends to be like lower body I think a lot of the times sometimes they'll get shoulders concussions. They'll go up with a clash of heads. But you know they'll rineys they'll do you know acls and mccls and.
09:09.63
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
09:22.60
Nigel
Throw out their lower back all luck on the jaws.
09:23.98
drnobodypodcast
Yeah I would definitely have been remiss if I didn't ask you about the rugby. Even though that's not the topic today I just needed to know it's just so yeah, just so curious. Um, so you talked about your your actual journey to doing your degree.
09:29.53
Nigel
You got to ask right? yeah.
09:42.24
Nigel
Yeah, yeah, thought your commerce.
09:42.57
drnobodypodcast
What was it in in business. So what did you? What was your wringeal intention with that degree before you got found as this most beautiful man in the world.
09:52.41
Nigel
Um, maybe fourth runner up in the whatever that the provinci provincial provincial theaterer. Um I wasn't really sure to be honest with you Carlos like I never really saw myself having a regular job even though I'd like doing an internship or 2
09:55.35
drnobodypodcast
I Don't know not based on what I'm looking at right now. Ah.
10:12.31
Nigel
Um I wasn't sure what was going to be in store for me. Um, and you know like over the course of my. Degree different things called my interest and it was actually strange the further. My degree went on the more I realized that I actually didn't want to have anything to do with working in a professional and one of the things that really sparked my interest was.
10:33.24
drnobodypodcast
Interesting.
10:40.47
Nigel
When we started looking at behavioral economics and it was a field that was kind of like founded by I think it's emmos tv fairsky and Daniel Kahneman um and that was so fascinating to me and that was like what I wanted to try and understand versus like economics like never really interested me because the whole. Premise the fundamental basis of economics is that people think rationally right? and I'm like people aren't rational think of this is great like what this this makes no sense like why would you? Why is this the foundation of everything like I get it like for you know, eighty ninety percent of the time.
11:04.72
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
11:14.81
Nigel
People do for the most part and then you can do things and figure it out elasticity and all the rest of it. Yeah, but that part of it really didn't make sense to me and then the money management stuff the more I learned it was just yeah, like the all the moral hazard that was involved where it's like seeing your interest to get as big as possible. So that. Don't want you to fail so that like I graduated in 2007? Um, which was not a great time to graduate. Um, it turned out you know 7 oh 8 like the the bottom fell out and not just the markup but the whole world for a while right? they called it. The great great recession and um.
11:47.45
drnobodypodcast
Yep.
11:50.46
Nigel
We were learning just off to that about all these different things when it was in our ah portfolio management class or in treasury management or getting these different examples in these different case studies of like whether it was John me whether long-term capital management or whether it was. You know, like the orange county. Whatever their birther whenever they call that but basically like it was a position that you campaigned for as if it was a political position but it was the treasurer of. orange county's funds and like they've been a couple of times in the past twenty or thirty years where they'd gone bust because it was not just misappropriation like you know, like no one was feeding it was just like just miss um allocation. You know? ah. People just were using funds that should have been secure that should have been you know in bonds and should have been steady and reliable and they were like betting on different things and they got away with it for a long period of time because the market went a certain direction then went went the other direction. You know they got their hat in their hand and ah. Things aren't so good so more and more when I saw that I thought I actually really don't want to do this and that's not a popular thing. You know like that's not something that people are like you know what? like follow your dreams and follow your heart like you're in a business degree. It's like the most competitive. Program to get into in the country. Basically I think it was like maybe there was like a business and legal degree that was slightly harder to get into but it was like this was like number 1 on like most people's lists like the educational system in Ireland is different. There's no interview or anything like that like it's purely on test scores you seek your tests at the end of the year
13:34.53
drnobodypodcast
Wow.
13:38.78
Nigel
State examination. There's outside people come in to monitor. Um and like you either do a well enough in those tests or you don't and like you can go back next year and do it again. But you lose a full year or you settle for something that you didn't actually want to do and now I didn't know that you can go and you can transfer and you can do all these different things. But there there was. There's a lot of pressurecture on us to like you either get it or you don't so I got it and I was in and I was doing the deal but the more I learned the less enthused I was to go down that particular path and you know like friends of mine. You know I kind of say to them and they'd like yeah yeah, but you'll find something or whatever it was it just ah like I I kind of just needed to to go for a bit of a wander and and try and find something that not just interested me but that like I felt. Good about doing not that I necessarily felt like oh like hang on like I'm going to start modeling that's going to save the world but like at least it was something that like allowed me to travel and not get put into like a box in the cubicle and like there you go like the next 4050 years of your life. It's goingnna be that and then you're just gonna la their rinse repeat and you're just gonna perpetuate whatever cycle you're in and you know all these things that you know are flawed and faulty and that you don't want to be involved in you're gonna have to just stomach. Basically you're just gonna have to eat. Um and I didn't want to do that and. Think the only reason that I was able to to not go down that path one was the opportunity of like just being in the right place at the right time like randomly walking down a board walk meeting up with a couple of guys I think. Um, was drinking at the time. So I think I had like I was coming with the beer supply a couple of guys that were were just gonna go drink on the beach. It was like beautiful summers day and and the only like that gave me the opportunity. To not go down this route. It was interesting was enough. It was acceptable would be okay I go out you can go after that. That's potentially rewarding and it's like you kind of like get away with doing something different in that sense and then the other one was the fact that ah my father had passed away and my first year my freshman year in college was like October Twenty second two thousand and four so I was like almost two months into college six weeks two months into college and he passed away suddenly died of a heart attack at home and he was like obviously like a really big influence in my life. But.
16:16.85
Nigel
He was also someone who like if he had said nogel. This is what you're doing That's what I was going to be doing so it it like it afforded me this opportunity to to start to strike out and like in a sense figure things out for myself as imperfect as it was but to just get outside. Whatever the box was or to get off whatever that particular track was and to like beat a new path for myself. So it's a strange thing to reflect on to think oh yeah, what allowed me to be able to go and do this and like. Go on this particular path to bring it back to that moment. You know like which you know is a pretty seminal moment in my life but like I have been able to at least in my own mind that draw the line between those 2 things you know or connect those 2 2 actions in those 2 motions.
17:11.43
drnobodypodcast
So thank you for sharing that with us I appreciate that? Um, so walk me through this after so you graduated and then you went to your sisters right? The New York city so
17:16.32
Nigel
Yeah.
17:25.26
Nigel
Yeah, she she was living in New York at the time. Yeah, she was living in queens.
17:30.56
drnobodypodcast
Okay, now after you graduated and went to her was that a moment where you were trying to figure out your life like what you wanted to do was there a purpose that you visited her that it all led to you know being found in Coney Island
17:43.13
Nigel
Yeah I had always thought for whatever reason that I was going to live in America I didn't know why or how or what it was going to be part of what I think was the mindset like in Ireland. we're really good at lots of things right and like certain things like like we're really good at grieving like what we're like probably 1 of the world's best at grieving like we have the format like you know like catholic catholic Ireland people know how to do awake they know how they know what to say we have like a set. It's like. I'm sorry I'm so sorry for your loss or I'm sorry for your troubles you know like that's like kind of the direct irish translation for what you say and irish just say knew Wam the thrill village like it's like I don't like your trouble I don't like your sorrow. Um I like people just like. Come together and they're like so supportive and incredible and helpful and all the rest but like excellent at that and it might be different now you know is actually only back for the first time in like 1011 years but in August ah me only went over with me to. I mean I more went over with her to be honest, it was more was more hurts Ri but she got to meet in person my family the for the first time because she hadn't met them prior to covid and all the restrictions and the rest of it so we actually sneak attacked everybody individually. We surprised everyone at there.
18:52.10
drnobodypodcast
Um.
19:10.68
Nigel
Ah, respective abodes and it was a pretty pretty epic trip. Um, but Irish people have this thing that they suffer from I don't know if you're familiar with it. But it's called tall Poppy Syndrome. So.
19:27.45
drnobodypodcast
No, what is that.
19:30.47
Nigel
And a field of poppies if one poppy gets above the rest and it's getting more sunlight and you know it's getting more energy the poppies around it drain the nutrients from the soil around that poppy to bring it back down to the same level as the rest of them so that it's getting getting the same amount of sun as the rest right. So you know like I had like lengthy discussions with different friends of mine probably before I left and then I actually came back for a little while after I had left. Um I started doing a masters and then like. Pretty much the same thing again. So You have to relearn that lesson right? It's kind of like almost like the Heroes Journey. It's like the cold to adventure and then it's the refusal and then's you know it's like these these falterings and then I was like okay I gotta go back off. But yeah, like you're doing something different. Have a different mindset. You have a different attitude. Hopefully it's different now. It probably is but I just felt like like people didn't encourage you to to explore to you know. Really like experiment be Creative. It was just like here's here are the things that you can do go do one of those and like you're a lawyer. You're a doctor you're a carpenter you're a whatever you know and that's that's what you are and we're just going to put you in in that category and that's that squared away.
20:57.10
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
20:57.37
Nigel
Don't make any noise don't bother us. You know so so like for me a America always appealed to me because it was the opposite. It was this cando attitude it was this mentality of like if you work hard enough like you're going to get there. Eventually you know like if you are willing to sacrifice if you're willing to pay the cost. You know like you're going to get whatever it is that you go after and that's so aspirational and so inspirational and it was something that always attracted me and for any. Period that I could so there's a visa called a j one visa where you can work and travel in America if you're a student so I got that one a bunch of times where I came on vacation or whatever could have spent as much time in America as I could so summers in college were spent over here. Essentially I think like every single birthday I've had since I was 18 bar maybe one I think like my twenty fourth my twenty fourth birthday was in London I think maybe twenty Third Twenty fourth too something like that you know like that's the only one I've missed. Um, so I've always just like felt this pull you know, um, and. Think those are the strongest kind of influence and factors like that those like Pollle factors are always the things that like you know, almost like this like little like tractor beam like I didn't not really know but I was going that way. Um, and I was just like essentially on vacation just blown off some steam after.
22:20.70
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
22:31.60
Nigel
Ah, finishing college and I was still I had my completely given up on the rugby but it was mostly done. Um, so I think I was just drinking a lot going out having a good time and. Spend the time with my sister and then a couple other buddies like 1 from college and then another group of ads that I had met a couple summers before in South Carolina kind of Myrtle Beach where ah, we're knocking around. Actually they live like a couple of blocks from me and in the end, it's pretty funny. Small world. So um I was actually going out to meet those guys at the beach.
23:03.87
drnobodypodcast
So yeah, yeah.
23:09.38
Nigel
When ah when Daniel Pedal stopped me and my world changed forever.
23:13.63
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, um, so we're gonna talk about that in a second. Um, do you think leading up to this moment that changed your life and then after has your degree.
23:23.69
Nigel
Just.
23:30.47
drnobodypodcast
At any point been relevant to you and and there's a reason why I'm asking because you're not the first person and including your own wife ah is not in the degree or in the field that their your degree is in right.
23:39.29
Nigel
Yeah, right right.
23:46.52
drnobodypodcast
And that's the point that sometimes I'm trying to tell people through my my episodes and my interviews is like you don't have to necessarily get a degree. That's one you don't have to do what your degree says you have to do there's ah you know there's definitely things you can do and that's the point is that you need to expand yourself.
23:48.51
Nigel
Yeah, yeah.
23:55.77
Nigel
Um, it is.
24:06.48
drnobodypodcast
And you're the second person to describe it the same way almost identical to a different person who said yeah, we we all pigeonhole ourselves to doctor lawyer like there's nothing beyond that but there are there's plenty of opportunities beyond that so that's why I asked you that question you know so.
24:20.74
Nigel
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
24:26.72
drnobodypodcast
It's just about the opportunities and ah, ah definitely I Well to be fair I think a business degree plays ah a role at any point in your life as you get older too. Especially if you're doing your own independent things like your indie film which is really interesting and you know I don't. You know I don't want to pry too much. But you think you could talk about it for a little bit like how how was that experience of of doing something like that.
24:48.96
Nigel
Yeah, sure and I think I can also like answer the other question too and part of it I think like and for my own personal finances which up until like the last couple few years have been like in complete disarray. Yeah um, like because of.
25:03.43
drnobodypodcast
Um.
25:08.26
Nigel
Way I went and like various other life factors like um, just to mention because this is what actually makes it make sense I have been diagnosed with bipolar one disorder. Um I'm medicated I have. Been in what I heard recently from my new primary care provider and I loved I've been in remission for like going on 6 years so like no major issues like between actual site. Yeah psychiatric. Ah. Psychiatrrist prescribe medication and like talk therapy and like having a community of people that I keep myself accountable with and that are supportive I've been able to essentially turn this thing which was like the biggest weakness for me. Into probably my greatest strength and then and you know like that's kind of a big part too of why like my path has been so meandering because it's been hard to have any kind of stability for a long time. You know I was. 26 um, when I got sober and I was 28 or 29 when I was diagnosed with bipolar so I was like two and a half years sober. Um, by the time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it made a lot of sense then because I was like well like I've stopped this thing I've been looking enough to find a group of people that have a common problem and they've agreed on this common solution that works for them and they've showed me what they did and that worked for me too right? and. I mean like the world is what it is but that particular group of people still still has a particular tradition which I actually do honor so I'm not going to specifically stay to but everybody knows what I'm talking about and now that was a massive help for me. But then it's like well why is my world still like.
27:08.98
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yes.
27:17.81
Nigel
Flying all around you know, like why can't anything stick. Why aren't things getting better and part of the reason is because like I'm a real alcoholic right? It's not just not just the alcohol that was the problem. It's like my thinking and for me part of that thinking problem was the fact that I live with now and. Like I manage this particular condition and experience that just you know, unabated causes you to live at the polar intentional use of that word extremes of life of emotion. You can be the highest of the high and you can be the lowest of the low. Neither of which are very safe and that fun to be around in the long term and or conducive to building a life might be okay for the moment. Um. Especially if you if you feel really good if you're in a manic state but over a long period of time It's absolutely detrimental to long-term welfare. Um so those were the things that stopped me from doing certain. Um, things that I wanted to do like I'd always wanted to get into acting and I was never never able to get my life stable enough to where I could like do that as well as do another thing I would lose jobs I would lose all these different things. So. For a long time. My degree didn't matter to me because I could barely hold any kind of job like you know like I've been like a carpenter's assistant I've worked landscaping you know I've dug ditches I've been like a bartender I've been like de caterer i've. Like still now I'm a golf caddy as um, among the other things that I do you know it's like I've done all these different things where like don't require my. Degree. But if I had taken them to a certain level then it would have been really useful but I haven't even had cause for it to kick in because I haven't been able to build any kind of career whereas now in the last you know like four or five years and I've been able to gradually get stability where. Um, acting as something that I pursue and I pursue consistently I was able to write a movie with my friend. He said I've got this story. It's an idea you want to ride with me because I've made a short film with them before I said absolutely I love it and we worked on it and then um.
29:41.93
Nigel
You know like it's been something that I've been able to continually come back to when it's appropriate to do that then in my own personal finances. You know with ah with my wife you know like the 2 of us bring ours. Together and like talking about different things and planning and all these things that's where my degree has actually come in helpful for me honestly like ah that's the only place is now hopefully going forward and I will have like the shape and the scope and the size of something that like needs to bring in all these other skills that are still somewhat. There from studying like business management organizational behavior. You know one random little thing that I actually have picked up for my degree that I do like using now and then is like the ability to like read statistics because we have to take like a couple of different status stats courses and I actually really liked that I read the book. Freakonomics.
30:31.85
drnobodypodcast
Oh okay, gameus book.
30:33.29
Nigel
Um, yeah, and it just clicked. Yeah, it just clicked with me and I was like you know this is great and then it's one of those things where when it clicks. It's no longer like homo schastic like teteros good like what like they could be speaking latin for all I knew you know like or Greek or whatever it was. But then it just made sense and I learned the language so like that stuff actually look in the different statistical things and like statistical thinking is actually useful just because you can think like oh is this is this the cause or is this a correlation you know and is it like I'm like digging into those kind of things makes a lot of sense just understand the world around you and. Think that part of it is helpful because what you need to do as an artist as an actor as a writer is understand the world around you and you have to to to the best of your ability. You have to step inside the shoes of someone else whether you're writing a character or whether. You're like getting acquainted with the imagination circumstances of the role that you're playing and you have to try and immerse yourself as much as possible and any different lens that you can put on a situation to get a different insight and get a different perspective on it is incredibly helpful.
31:46.60
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, well, um, that's very interesting that definitely yeah was it's interesting to hear it because that's the first time I'm ever hearing someone talk about it in general right.
31:51.40
Nigel
I Know it's like massively tangential.
32:04.85
drnobodypodcast
So it's it's like a learning experience for me personally and then I'm sure the listeners are going to enjoy hearing that again and I'm probably like them I'm going to go back and listen to again to really absorb it. But there's a lot of tad tidbits tadbits whatever you want to say in there that really resonates personally for me because.
32:17.40
Nigel
So.
32:24.71
drnobodypodcast
1 it's just it seems like you've been through a lot right? and you know people have heard my story the listeners in the previous episodes. Um, you know we both suffered through our adversity we we both lost our father's young, you know and it's it seems like. I had my moments where I was down and definitely things that I regret to this date that you know things happen. Whatever I felt from my faith I definitely it was a very low time. But eventually I tried like you I fixed it I figured it out I had people around me that supported it in me and loved me and helped me get out of it like my wife and my girlfriend at the time and now my wife um and made it through so. It's really nice to hear somebody else. Can succeed even through adversity that you've discussed because a lot of people just let that take over them and and it destroys them and then they can never get back up I mean maybe the chances get lower and lower as you get older because let's face it a lot of things change and market. Caters to younger people most of the time like you know like acting right? like you know how how how much do you see older people acting you know unless it's a role for an older person. They don't they usually go in for the new bloods. You know in my right arm right? I don't know I could be wrong.
33:33.58
Nigel
Death.
33:45.80
Nigel
Yeah, no, it's correct that it ups to the degree of difficulty even me now you know like I'm 35 years old that's not exactly old and in a lot of senses but like in this game like I'm not a spring chicken you know and it's and that's it's yeah, it's it those things have actually caused me. You know. Um, they've cost me time and they've cost me opportunity I have like literally had opportunities before that I couldn't take advantage of because at the time I was still unwell you know, um, and like I've ah bridges that I've burned because of my behavior. Um, like. You know was someone who like I was not drunk at the time I was not high at the time I was just mandling unwell at the time and that's something that I have to come to terms with and you know like why where appropriate I've like made amends in those situations. Um, and you know it's ah it's it's a tough pill to swallow it really is sometimes but. It's also the back ah of this thing that I wanted to say I just thought about it as you were sharing your experience too that you know like this this stoic concept of things like I've always been interested in different philosophies right? and like philosophy and faith. And there's a lot of similarities and like basically it's this frame that you can put and like around the world and like there's at least this lens that you can look at the world through maybe that's a better way of saying up but then also tying it back into like you know the telling of story. It's like. For a character in a story how they react to different things depends on how they frame it right? So and like the first time I encountered this particular concept was in the behavioral economics like like with Kahneman and Sphersky. Talking about like framing particularly it's like like something as simple as like you find $100 on the street. You're going to spend that hundred dollars differently than if you worked all day and you earn in the one hundred dollars why like that I was like that's so crazy because it's true I knew it intuitively.
35:48.92
drnobodypodcast
M. Yeah, so.
35:56.59
Nigel
Be true right? and then like everyone else in the class shared. Yeah, that's the that's I probably would. It's like well why is that like it's because it's framed. Yeah, but like why does the mind think that way and that that fascinated me and and.
36:08.30
drnobodypodcast
Wait Why is the answer because I would absolutely do that.
36:11.54
Nigel
Like I don't know what the absolute reason is but you know like you you haven't earned this thing right? So in a sense you think that it's It's just free. It's like it. It doesn't exist like it's like the sweat and the toil for the $100 that you get that's pay your pay. You relate very differently to a windfall like people if they experience a windfall if like someone passes away or whatever they tend to spend the money differently for whatever reason psychologically because and they're not as attached to it for whatever reason.
36:42.83
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, oh interesting. Yes.
36:44.34
Nigel
You know it's like like you haven't had to go through a process to gain this thing so you don't really appreciate if you think about like you know, trust fund people and I know some that are incredible human beings and that like have their head screwed on and like are so savvy with their money and then. You like you see? Oh there's that like you're just like doing like the dumbest things ever and like spending money like it's crazy right? because it's like they didn't have to do earn anything to earn it right? It's not real to them. So it's like that hundred dollars that you find on the street. It's not real to you really in a way and but.
37:04.16
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
37:12.54
Nigel
The way that you frame these things makes a big impact on your behavior right? So not that whole thing of Behavioral economics and like stories about how are about how people behave and in given circumstances under certain conditions and then you're able to empathize with them and be like. Is this what I would do and like you you can in a way like map yourself onto them and you're like oh you, you start to feel what they would feel because you put yourself into their place. It's like you know, like that people who read fiction tend to be more empathetic like in certain parts of the brain like you can actually map ah with fmri and it's like. Those people like when they're reading it. Um those areas of the brain are actually larger you know because they they use them more for whatever it is the connections that tend you that tend to have you empathize with another human being and for me, um, it better.
37:59.40
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, does that include Star Wars fans like us. Ah, who yeah.
38:07.34
Nigel
It better I mean what better example of the hero's journey. Um, but the whole thing of it is that it's how you frame these things or your perspective on these things. So right? Like we've had these moments of adversity right? So you have the loss of a love when you have the loss of a father figure which is seminal in so many different stories like you look at. Superman Batman you know Spiderman doesn't have his parents. You know like all these different things right? Um, it's big and it impacts how you behave in the world right? and it ah those frames or those lenses color or. Dictate or influence how you encounter the world around you and how you behave and that whole thing of behavior is so crucial to an actor and to a writers like how would someone behave in this in this circumstance. What's the realistic behavior. It's unrealistic. What's a dramatic behavior all these different things. But. You know, like having these basically like boulders you know in the way right having these ah obstacles um like Marcus right? talks about like the obstacle but. Obstacle becoming the way you know it's like you think that this thing is just a thing that's in your way and you just need to get it out of the way. But like this thing is actually the way like how you deal with this is your life. You know, like like like like it. It is the whole journey. It's like you can say these things happen me poor me I'm going to lie down and like. um' just going to let people feel sorry for me and whatever and I've done that at periods in my life. You know like they like I'm not proud to say it. But it is that hasn't been beneficial for me that has't beneficial for anyone around me. Thankfully I've been lucky enough to encounter different people and different things and um, you know, really. And looking enough to be guided back to a manner of living in which my personal pain and adversity is is not my soul focus. My self focus is like how can I make sure that like. Life is better for those around me you know, like how can I use my experiences and turn like the mass of my life into my message. You know how can how can I take this pain of mine and use it so that somebody else.
40:53.10
Nigel
Suffers a little less from theirs in the future. You know and part of that Journey is like this thing of this group of people that have this common problem and this common solution. You know they suggested that maybe I try and find them try and find a conception of god.
40:53.82
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
41:11.96
Nigel
That was palatable for me and for me at that moment in time and for years previous to there hadn't been One. You know like I had this this faith and whatever it was and it didn't work for me didn't work for me at that moment in time but then like you know like my father passed away like. You know, basically like damning God Whatever that means to do that You know like and a turning of my back on that and and everything that that meant to me and and just that it meant it means in general. Um, and.
41:36.20
drnobodypodcast
You know.
41:48.40
Nigel
Was lucky enough to just basically have my whole life fall apart and whatever psychological construction I had of that I thought of as myself fell apart and I was able to start putting pieces back together and I was able to be open to things. And ideas and and experience of like god and faith that was mine that was nobody else's that draws on a lot of different things that like someone can say 1 word and it can mean a completely different thing to me than it can to them and I can let them mean something different to them. And I know what it means to me you know and like I think through like being personally accountable and um, having and claiming and developing. Agency and sovereignty for myself right and has allowed me to exist in the world and associate with other people as if they had that personal sovereignty an agency. In a way that I was never able to do before like it's all almost like you know a main character syndrome is like everyone just just like live to like service. Whatever I needed from them at the time you know and it's just you know like.
43:12.53
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah.
43:17.11
Nigel
When things are good. That's not how I live anymore I still slip back into different moments and whatever and whether it's me getting caught up in a resentment or you know like however that manifests itself like whether I'm being sarcastic or you know like so like like little things like that that are just like the weakest little like. Defense mechanisms like they're pathetic really like they're funny kind of sometimes but they're not Useful. They're not Helpful. You know and if I can recognize that stuff and like correct it. You know to say that like it's a life. Beyond your wildest dreams like doesn't even like touch the actual experience of it because it's not even about dreams. It's just it's so much more worthwhile being present and being there. For other people rather than just trying to get what you need and any given Moment. Um.
44:15.20
drnobodypodcast
I mean this this has been I've just floored by what you're saying. It's incredible. I'm so grateful for you sharing this and your story and um I have a lot of questions and this interview can easily turn now into like a 2 3 hour session
44:32.24
Nigel
We might need 1 but you're going to be in the attic for the next one.
44:34.21
drnobodypodcast
And as much yeah, we might need to do another part because I definitely okay, just for you I will do that one just to get more out of you like that. Um, 1 question I want to ask you is I'm listening to you is at what. Point I I guess this is very tacky to say but when did you truly find god and how it and when did it start helping you like you know, did it does that make sense.
45:05.72
Nigel
Ah. I Found God when I realized that it wasn't me you know and and when I behaved like it wasn't me because there's a lot of people that you meet and I can think of several specific people at this fan home and time. That claim piety and claim to be holy in a way who do not live in any way that is attractive to me whatsoever that are not inclusive that are not merciful that are not. Like just attractive like that. That's something that I want to be around that I want to emulate Um, you know like I was lucky enough to meet a lot of people that like their life was just about doing something for someone else and expecting nothing in return.
46:07.54
Nigel
I'm just getting emotional thinking about it. You know it's like there's so few people out there who really do that Who don't like blow a trumpet and like so look at me on social media look at this great thing I did like there's a lot of people out there that help a lot of people anonymously silently.
46:09.88
drnobodypodcast
That's right.
46:26.36
Nigel
Quietly and so effectively because they're not trying to get anything from the just trying out and when I saw that and when I was able to like to a certain degree. Just drop any notion that I had before and be like that's the way to live. That's when I started to like experience that that presence of God you know like and it's not ah, a thing that you can even really describe I mean it's a strange thing to talk about especially considering the fact that like I'm bipolar as well. So It's like. Could easily be conceived conceived as a a dramatic episode but like I think I've had both at the same time I think so like you know like I've I've been blessed and like that' a quick funny story on that. So um, I'm I'm like at this stage in the story I'm not celebra that long probably like.
47:08.75
drnobodypodcast
That's fair I.
47:22.59
Nigel
or five months maybe five or six months and I'm just like I'm walking up and down the streets of New York you know like I'm in there and like I've gone in to hang out with this girl who was a bartender genius decision I mind newly ce hanging out with the bartender but ah. Nice girl. Um I just like have nothing to do that day and I was walking up and down the street and I was like I could go in here and say hello to this person because I knew different people bar attended at different spots or whatever and um I was like oh maybe I will maybe I won't like literally stand outside these bars will like man. Well I like. And didn't really know what I was doing and I'm just like walking from like the last village until I like essentially like come to and I realized that I'm standing right? Beside St Patrick's cathedral which is like it's not a short walk. Um. So I'll go in I'm like I'm pretty new to prayer in this new.
48:27.31
Nigel
Iteration of myself so like prayer for me was a thing where it like grown up I said prayers it was like you know like the ones that my mom taught me and like I had this. This kind of relationship that I developed with god I thought or whatever it was but I can see it now. But at the time like yeah, there's like you're genuine to a degree but I have a transactional relationship and like that doesn't really work when you're trying to have a transactional relationship with a being that you know. By definition like is all of the omnis who like omniippotent omnipresent and om missions. You know it's like they don't really need anything from you. So let's try this transaction thing's it's not go to work out too. Well for you. It's pretty one sided. Um. And when my father passed away. There was a certain period of time afterwards I just remember I stopped pray and I remember this like closing off of this part of myself. Whatever that meant this like a part of existence this part of life and was just closed to me and. It was. It was a big deal for me a big resentment of the fact that this happened to me because like how dare you do this to me like I was a good kid look I didn't drink I did the right thing I a I thought it was great. You know like why would you do this look. The reality is like it's not personal life just happened. You know, like like god didn't take away my father and my mother's husband you know was just like just died. You know, like like it was sudden like he he could have looked after himself better. There's all these different things. But there. Yeah, it is. He's he just died like. Nobody killed him or anything you know like thank god that'll be another layer down onto the onion but like that was just the reality of what happened and and you know like I was being pretty selfish I was being like pretty childish and like. Bit of a brad about the whole thing to a large degree and I was I was running from my pain and for my grief I just spoke with a bodydy of mine recently about this we were texting on a laptopt up anyway because another one of our buddies his dad passed away suddenly he just had a heart attack. Again I think he was the owner who's actually swimming like fit guy 65 but like you know he's just swimming the sea every day you know, just crazy you know and and you know so my other buddy he lost his father when he was 5 so like he still carries that with him he still has that wound there. You know, um.
50:47.54
Nigel
And unfortunately for him like he he hasn't yet had the ability to to access the tools or the space that he needs to be able to start to heal that so we were talking about it briefly and just. I could tell that he was sad and I you know, just kind of shared like you know, different things and just like you know, yeah, look like I feel like I'm still coming too from like running away from my grief. You know a rolling blackout for 8 years You know.
51:15.62
drnobodypodcast
Ah, Wow now.
51:17.83
Nigel
and yeah and I was just like you know like I just feel like I'm just getting my head back on my shoulders this last couple of years like that was like it's eight years ago like was the last time that I had a drink and it's like that's how long it's taken for like me to like gain level in the last two or three years for maybe 4 or 5 like just to really start to like. Like I'm on terra firming again and um, ah thanks and you know like I'm talking to him about him. It's obvious to me that like he hasn't been able to like go through this process that I'm about to tell you like basic was the genesis of the whole thing you know he's carrying it with him and he hasn't.
51:38.19
drnobodypodcast
For you man.
51:55.81
Nigel
Been able to be vulnerable with anyone that will be able to give them the tools to start to manage and heal this particular world because it's a deep wound. It's a psychic web. You know it's it's it's a spiritual wound and um. Just remember because I like I went into this church you know and I go like straight down and like you can't see it at the moment but my hair was a little bit longer than it is now right now. It's about shoulder length. So. It's a little bit longer Beard was a good bit chunk here I was pretty beardy and I walked down.
52:27.80
drnobodypodcast
The the.
52:33.30
Nigel
Um.
52:33.24
drnobodypodcast
I would say homeless that that looks kind of homeless to me. Yeah, yeah.
52:35.72
Nigel
Home homeless Jesus so like I basically like park myself and a pew in like the middle of St Patrick's cathedral and I start to pray and. I start to weep and I weep uncontrollably like not like cool in a movie like 1 big tear or 3 small ones like like so not like like it's like it's it's ugly.
53:08.56
drnobodypodcast
Wow.
53:12.88
Nigel
So like I'm like for the first time I'm really starting to grieve my thought that you not had moments before but like it was usually when I was drunk or whatever like I think I cried when when I closed the coffin basically that was it. And then like just a couple of like intermittent spells when I was drinking over the years but I was it I couldn't really access that I was too afraid of it. So I started to access this thing and I also am opening the door to this old part of my life. Um, and it was a powerful powerful experience for me and that was the the beginning of like. Developing a relationship with and with I mean like what is a god of my misunderstanding you know it's like this this new thing that I don't know which is so powerful for me and which is so essential like that I don't I don't like think I know the thing you know the thing that's like ineffable means you can't know it.
54:05.56
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
54:05.73
Nigel
But I thought I knew it you know like so so crazy. But that's that's the way it was for me excuse me. But um, you know like I get up and I'm I'm walking and I buy the cattle from my father. Whatever and as I leave the church I realize but like for all in intentsive purposes. Like a bunch of like tourists like there's like like japanese tourists like taking pictures and whatever which like I don't think you're supposed to do the cathedral you know I have just witnessed like possibly something resembling like the second coming.
54:29.50
drnobodypodcast
Ah, yeah, so.
54:39.56
drnobodypodcast
Um, yeah.
54:39.77
Nigel
Like the homeless second come and come in and collapse and weep in the jerks which was probably Howie actually would feel um, given the stay to things. But. Yeah that's just a funny story about like the beginning of my relationship with god it was. It's not from any kind of lofty place. It's it's really from this place of like of ah personal weakness and in that personal weakness like there're being access to the spiritual strength and um. And just the the inward looking you know, like um that it's like there is some element of god within me and and and I reflect that I'm in his image when I'm acting in certain ways and those certain ways look something like when I do a good deed. And expect nothing in return.
55:30.87
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, yeah, it's kind of lost for words I mean it's just incredible to hear this. So I Really really do again. Appreciate you sharing with me and the listeners and I I mean personally again, it I. I personally feel for you because of what you experienced and looking at it in my own lens I also feel like I guess I've never truly have coped properly for the loss of my father and my mother. So hearing how you've done it and what you've been through and what it really means shows me that I guess I've never really been there yet. You know and I guess it's never I mean the listeners heard my stories I Just never had the time to you know it's always been the next thing and the next thing.
56:22.66
Nigel
And.
56:25.29
drnobodypodcast
You know another loss another loss another failure so you know, um, it's just I thank you I mean I really I I Really do want to bring you back again? Um I mean so I'm just really lost words. So thank you.
56:38.82
Nigel
Yeah man, let's let's let's figure out a day where we got a couple hours like I got to run off the class in my five ten minutes but like and let's figure out a day where it can just be this this much longer form thing.
56:45.21
drnobodypodcast
No no. Yeah, um, so since you got a couple minutes left I'm not going to ask you? What's the best and worst moments of your life since I think you've you've ah very much shared it? Yeah um, ah yeah.
56:59.65
Nigel
Pretty much went there the same moment which is crazy.
57:07.62
drnobodypodcast
I know it's ah it's phenomenal. It's gonna be great to to put that together when I when I put the notes down. But um, if you could quickly share with us the 5 essential things you think are needed to succeed I guess in life you know it's been very spiritual and and ah. Important to hear about your life. Um, or your career that you can share with the listeners and it doesn't have to be 5 it could be 1 or 2 whatever.
57:35.63
Nigel
Yeah, that's interesting. Um I did I did give that a brief but a thought hopefully my subconscious has been working away on it this whole time and will kick up something much better than whatever I've got available at the surface right now. Ah I think for me like wellness is essential right? So like you have to have. This element and I don't mean it in like this like new age like let's claim that calaile cures cats are kind of way I mean it in the sense that like you have to be well enough psychologically so like with your own mental state. You have to be well enough. Spiritually I really do think of my experience. You know like. Um, you have to be living in a way that like you can abide by like whatever that is whatever you know frame or lands you want to put on life and you have to pick these ideals and for me, that's what the spiritual life is about and then. To really honestly check in with yourself. You know like so I guess maybe to like in and invert that too is like ah you got to have honesty openmindedness and willingness right and on top of those things. You got to be able to have a psychological spiritual and physical life that is well enough to go and do the things that you want to do and and in all aspects of life that I have experienced thus far. I have never been hurt by my honesty you know apart from the 1 time I amended that I was the one who did something stupid when a teacher was out of the classroom. Um, and I and I fesed up to it. It was me and he praised me for being honest. Ah, more than he chastised me for the indiscretion but I was still but but you know what it did it but it put a credit in my account in my life and I think you do that like you know people talk about emotional bank accounts and whatever all these different things but it it put a credit into my account. For sure on that side of the ledger that was very certain that was like okay like I could have got away with this I could have been a coward about it I could have done whatever and I'm actually gonna get walked for it like I'm I'm in an amount of trouble that is sizable like for. Who I was at the time it it was pretty pretty good and I could have got away with that and people could have shared the blame but I didn't and I did the right thing and I knew what that felt like so to have like enough of those touch points and then you're also going to have all these other touch points where like you're going to do the wrong thing you're going to know what that feels like.
01:00:18.11
Nigel
So So like if you have like a well spiritual Life. You're still gonna like act out you're gonna do the wrong thing but you know what it feels like so then you can you can make amends with it. So It's like it's honesty. Openmindness willingness wellness and and ah. Um, mans you know just tidying up your mess because you're gonna make them.
01:00:40.60
drnobodypodcast
Yeah, those are great. Did you want to add something else. Yeah, you're good. Yeah, no, that's great. Um, we're we're done here but before I finish up I Just want to ask you and then I'll I'll say it again. Um.
01:00:46.90
Nigel
No I think that's 5 right? I I don't get Grady.
01:00:59.84
drnobodypodcast
Is it? okay for the listeners to reach out to on any like ah usually everybody has been like Linkedin but I don't know if you're if you're okay with me saying that.
01:01:04.64
Nigel
But ah I don't like have any of that like I have like a Linkedin that has a picture of me as a baby I think it says like something like I work for like big tobacco or something because I'd like recently watched the movie. Thank you for smoking I thought was brilliant. Um.
01:01:14.38
drnobodypodcast
Okay, okay.
01:01:24.60
Nigel
Was Jason Rightman um good movie if you haven't seen it go watch it there and yeah, but if any if anyone wants to get in touch like you know, get in touch with Dr Nobody and ah, they'll send you my way.
01:01:28.50
drnobodypodcast
I'll check it out. Well then I don't have to say it if you know if you don't really have anything.
01:01:39.18
drnobodypodcast
Okay, ah then I'll say I'll let you say that again I didn't well actually I could probably use that but I'm just going to say it again then you could just say that piece again.
01:01:48.45
Nigel
Um, so.
01:01:50.52
drnobodypodcast
Ah, Nigel this has been a phenomenal interview. Thank you so much for sharing all these personal details and being so open with us I just can't thank you enough. So I appreciate it. Um. I just want to ask you is it? okay for the listeners to reach out to you or you know how would you like to do that for.
01:02:08.52
Nigel
Yeah, sure I don't have any of the socials as they're called these days I think I have Linkedin floating around somewhere that was made in somewhat jest when I'd watch the movie. Thank you for smoking that has a picture of me as a 7 monthth old baby.
01:02:25.38
drnobodypodcast
And.
01:02:26.40
Nigel
As my profile cover. But if anyone does want to get in touch and give your information to Dr and nobody buddy and then ill got that catch you soon. We can.
01:02:34.10
drnobodypodcast
All right? Great listeners I hope you gain plenty of insights today. This is the beginning of becoming a someone but specifically the someone you always wanted to be I hope you enjoyed this episode and if you did. Please do give me a like review and subscribe to the podcast. You can also visit my website. The http://drnobodypodcast.com to learn more about my guests and listen to the episode again, share it and much more. Thanks again. So listening. Thanks again for listening to Dr Nobody Podcast where we turn nobodies to somebodies talk to you all very soon.